Our lives at 30,000 feet and how we got there.
As a parent, we prepare ourselves for change, growth and independence, but we never truly know the week, the day, the moment we will look up and see this in action. Of course, it’s subtle. Years of training, years of worry, years of “will these lessons ever resonate?” – and then one day, it just happens. Maybe it’s a small win, maybe it’s big. For each of us, it’s going to look and feel different.
We (my boys and I) have been prepping for this for years – slowly learning the way, leaning into more responsibility, asking lots of questions, increasing safe “close range” independence, letting go of the reins and training them to fly solo.
It may sound big, scary and overwhelming for some; it may sound mundane and insignificant to others, but to our family, it’s a pretty huge step. And one that is really important to me, as a mother.
For someone like me, who travels as a profession, I have been grooming my children for the day they will take that first flight on their own, since, well, soon after they were born. My teens have been on planes since they were infants and over the years they have travelled North to South, East to West and have recently checked off their 20th country. Yes, we travel a lot. Yes, it’s been an opportunity many have not and may not ever have, and yes, there have been a lot of funny, scary and memorable moments along the way.
But what I have always kept in mind is that travel encourages your children to thrive independently. It encourages not only independence, but mental elasticity, perseverance, and critical thinking.
For years, I was the “holder” of passports; today, everyone can carry their own (ok, I still keep them when we are in hotels) but on travel days, they have them. Boarding passes now, thanks to a digital wallet, everyone can have their individual pass (and then argue about who gets the window) on their phone. Do we have mishaps? Yes – if you read my recent letter about the “lost passport,” you will know we don’t travel without incident – but every incident is an opportunity for growth and to be ready to do it alone.
My kids have TSA pre-check and Global Entry and have been very fortunate to spend a lot of time in some lovely lounges as we wait for flights. I now let them walk ahead to the gate, even in foreign lands, figure out public transportation, and remind them about international immigration protocols and how to navigate through new cities.
They also have endured the less glamorous side of travel, and there will be heaps more of that in their future, especially when they are on their own. But they will be a lot more prepared.
Last week, as we re-entered the country and navigated through immigration, I stopped at the restroom. As I left I got a call – “Mom, where are you?” No panic in my son’s voice, probably more annoyed, but he wanted to let me know they had already cleared immigration and were on the other side. A moment of clarity that I later realized, OK, my kids know the drill.
I think back to my own travels and life experiences. I flew solo for the first time at 5 years old; of course, times have changed. On my first international solo flight, I was maybe 12 and flew to Europe to see my father. My own mother has recounted the story over the years, “I knew you were ready when you never turned back to wave once you went through security. I watched you confidently walk away, setting out on your life adventures.” I had grown and flown. Little did my mother know what she was witnessing was just the beginning of my life at 36,000 feet.
And then, just like that, it happened to us. It wasn’t planned; circumstances with schedules changed, and my eldest needed to fly home early. I never even thought twice. I never contemplated his ability, I didn’t worry about him. I knew he was ready. I don’t think we even really discussed the flight, it was a non-stop, in airports he knew well. What was I to worry about? I had taught him all that was needed for this moment.
As he has watched me for years, the last person and first person I text when I take off and land is still my mother, and so when I got that same series of texts yesterday, I realized it was the start of a new chapter of his life, and mine. My world is shifting, and my worries will now morph too. Some things we can train for, some things we cannot.
My hope is that my children fly a million miles, touch the sky endlessly, put their feet on the earth across the globe and for now, and for as long as possible, I hope I am the last and first person they text, wheels up and wheels down, “love you mom”, because the rest of the process of travel they have been practicing for, for years.
So, as I pulled into the airport and saw my growing boy waiting to jump in the car, as if I was picking him up from school, I knew in my heart that he was about to launch. This is the first airport pickup in the books, of what I can only hope are hundreds more to come. Each with stories to follow, experiences to share and hopefully, a heck of a lot of laughs and epic adventures along the way!
Fly, boys fly; you were born for this – and I can’t wait to watch you soar in life and in exploration. Just don’t forget to text your mother…
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